Katelyn Arterburn


Between work, kids, and endless to-do lists, the important conversations get pushed aside. House projects. Finances. That trip you keep meaning to plan. How you're actually feeling about everything.

My partner and I got tired of playing catch-up. So we started what we call "Family Operations," or just "Family Ops." It's a weekly meeting, and honestly, it's saved us from a lot of unnecessary tension.

<div className="text-left bg-myhra_green text-white p-4 rounded-lg">Want to skip ahead? Grab our complete <a href="https://arterburn.notion.site/Family-Ops-Agenda-2f49b60383838031b73dd5650d3d7009?source=copy_link" target="_blank" className="text-white underline hover:bg-white hover:text-myhra_green">Family Ops Agenda on Notion</a> with all the prompts, timers, and examples we use each week.</div>

#### Why we do this

We used to have these conversations whenever they came up, which meant they usually happened at the worst possible times. Late at night when we're both exhausted. In the car with the kids in the back. While one of us is trying to cook dinner.

Now we have a set time. Friday mornings after school drop-off. We sit down with coffee and actually talk through everything that needs attention. It's not romantic, but it works.

The meeting does two things: it keeps us organized, and it keeps us from resenting each other. When you know you have a dedicated time to bring something up, you're less likely to let it fester or ambush your partner with it at a bad moment.

#### How we run it

I've tried a lot of meeting formats over the years. This one actually stuck because we built in flexibility. Some weeks we're both running on fumes. Other weeks we have the energy to dig into harder topics.

We start by checking in on capacity. Rate yourself 0 to 10. Not "how much do you want to show up" but "how much gas is actually in the tank." If either of us is at 5 or below, we run the short version. No guilt, no pushing through.

**Full version (45 minutes):**
- Check-in: One thing you appreciate about the other person, quick life headlines, and if there's tension, name it with a specific request
- Logistics: Review what didn't get done last week, look at the calendar, assign 3-5 tasks
- Connection: Schedule actual couple time or share what you're hoping for this week
- Triage: What are we dropping? What needs to happen later?

**Lite version (25 minutes):**
We skip the tension part entirely. When you're tired, you don't have the bandwidth to do it well. Just appreciation, calendar, top 3 tasks, and a quick connection moment.

The rule: anything that feels emotionally loaded gets scheduled separately. We call these "Depth Talks." Family Ops stays practical. If someone starts crying or shutting down, we pause and pick a different time to actually deal with it.

You can see our full agenda with all the prompts and timing in our [Family Ops Agenda on Notion](https://arterburn.notion.site/Family-Ops-Agenda-2f49b60383838031b73dd5650d3d7009?source=copy_link).

#### The tools we use

We keep everything in Notion. Both of us can add topics throughout the week, and it's all there when we sit down on Friday. Before Notion, we used a Google Doc. It doesn't matter what you use. Just pick something you'll both actually look at.

#### What's changed

We have fewer blowups. Not because we never disagree, but because we have a place to bring up the small stuff before it becomes big stuff.

We're more efficient. When you plan the week together, fewer things fall through the cracks.

We feel more like a team. There's something about regularly saying "here's what I appreciate about you" that keeps the good stuff visible, even during stressful weeks.

#### If you want to try this

Pick a time that actually works. We tried evenings first—terrible idea. We were both too tired. Friday mornings after drop-off turned out to be our sweet spot.

Start with a simple structure. You can use ours or make your own. The point is having one.

Get a shared doc or app where you can both add things during the week.

Be honest about your capacity. Some weeks you'll only have energy for the basics, and that's fine.

Stay flexible. The structure helps, but it's not a straitjacket.

#### The bottom line

I'm not going to tell you this will revolutionize your relationship. It's a meeting. But it's a meeting that's kept us from rehashing the same frustrations over and over, and it's helped us actually get things done instead of just talking about getting things done.

If you're interested in the details of how we run ours, the full agenda is on [Notion](https://arterburn.notion.site/Family-Ops-Agenda-2f49b60383838031b73dd5650d3d7009?source=copy_link). Or [reach out](/contact) if you want to talk through how to adapt it for your situation.


Use this guide and detailed agenda to set up a weekly family meeting to strengthen your relationship and stay organized. Regular check-ins on logistics, finances, and emotional well-being keep your family connected and harmonious.

Family Ops: Sharing our agenda for a successful Weekly Family Meeting


In the whirlwind of everyday life—work, school, activities, and the constant shuffle—it’s easy for the things that matter most to get pushed to the side. We want our family values to be more than words on a page. **We want them to be felt, practiced, and celebrated.**

That’s where **“Family Sparks”** comes in. It’s a simple ritual that keeps our values alive by noticing, celebrating, and rewarding when we see them in action. And honestly? It’s been one of the most fun (and impactful) things we’ve added to our family rhythm.

### What Are “Family Sparks”?

At its core, **Family Sparks** is about catching each other living out our [family values](/importance-of-family-values)—like bravery, kindness, teamwork, and curiosity—and then recognizing those moments in a way that feels meaningful way.

Here’s how it works:

1. 🎯 **Spot the Spark:** Whenever someone notices a family member living out one of our values, they write it down on a sticky note.
2. 💬 **Share and Celebrate:** During family meals (usually breakfast or dinner), we take turns sharing the “spark” we noticed. It’s a moment to pause and say, **“I saw you doing this, and it mattered.”**
3. 🐠 **Add It to the Bowl:** We crumple the note and toss it into our **“Family Sparks” bowl**—a quirky plastic fishbowl we snagged from Goodwill that’s become one of our most cherished little treasures.
4. 🎉 **Celebrate When It’s Full:** When the bowl fills up, we come together to choose a **collective reward**—something that celebrates all the ways we’ve shown up for each other and our values.

### Why It Works (and Why We Love It)

**Family Sparks** gives us a way to pause and really *see* each other. It’s not about perfection or huge gestures. It’s about noticing the small, everyday moments that reflect who we want to be as a family.

When we take time to acknowledge those moments, we’re reinforcing what we value, creating space for deeper connection, and showing our kids (and ourselves) that **how we show up matters.**

### What’s in Our “Family Sparks” Bowl?

The moments that end up in our bowl are as simple and heartfelt as they come:

* 🏕️ **Simple Playfulness:** Building an elaborate blanket fort on a rainy day, turning a gloomy afternoon into an adventure.
* 💬 **Brave Space, Safe Place:** Bringing up feelings at the dinner table, inviting open conversation without judgment.
* 🌲 **Intentional Experience:** Suggesting a family hike to spend intentional time together, away from screens and distractions.
* ❤️ **Feel Lucky:** Volunteering at a local shelter, reminding us of the wealth we have to share with others.
* 🧹 **Optimize for Ease:** Tidying up the playroom without being asked, making home life a little smoother for everyone.

Each crumpled note in that fishbowl holds a story, a reminder of what we’re building as a family—**one small spark at a time.**

### Our Favorite Collective Rewards

When the bowl fills up, the fun really begins. We sit down as a family and decide on a **celebratory activity** that reflects the love, effort, and intention we’ve put into living out our values.

Here’s a peek at some of our favorites:

* 🌴 **A Return to Magic:** Our most cherished “spark celebration” so far was going back to a little town in Costa Rica that holds so many special memories for our family.
* 🎢 **Adventure Outings:** Trips to places like LEGOLAND or TopGolf where we laugh, play, and make memories together.
* 🎥 **Creative Evenings:** Themed movie nights where each person picks a film that connects to one of our values.
* 🌲 **Outdoor Excursions:** Family camping trips that give us time to unplug, explore, and reconnect with nature.
* 🎭 **Cultural Experiences:** Attending local theater productions or concerts to appreciate the arts together.
* 🤝 **Giving Back:** Volunteering as a family to remind ourselves that living our values often means showing up for others.

### The Impact of “Family Sparks”

This little ritual has done more than just remind us of our values—it’s transformed how we see and support one another. **Family Sparks** has taught us that:

* 🌱 **Small Moments Matter:** It’s often the tiniest actions that have the biggest impact.
* ❤️ **Recognition Fuels Connection:** Taking time to acknowledge each other deepens our bond and builds trust.
* 🎉 **Celebration Reinforces Values:** Our collective rewards aren’t just fun—they’re a reminder that when we live our values, good things follow.

This practice has become a heartbeat in our home—a way to stay grounded in what matters most, even when life gets busy.

### Bringing “Family Sparks” Into Your Home

If you’re feeling inspired to start your own version of **Family Sparks,** here’s how to get started:

1. **Define Your Family Values:** Make sure everyone’s on the same page about the values that guide your family.
2. **Create a Recognition System:** Sticky notes, a shared journal, or even voice memos—whatever makes it easy to capture the moments.
3. **Choose a Celebration Vessel:** Find something fun to hold your “sparks”—a bowl, jar, or box that feels special.
4. **Celebrate When It’s Full:** Decide on a reward that reflects the joy of living your values together.

**Family Sparks** doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s about creating small moments of recognition that build a foundation of trust, connection, and shared purpose. And if you’re anything like us, you’ll find that those little sparks lead to some of the most meaningful family moments.

Because at the end of the day, **family values aren’t taught—they’re lived.** And when we take the time to notice and celebrate them, we ignite something truly beautiful in each other.

#### What Works for Us (But Maybe It Sparks Something for You)

This is what works well for our family, and it’s been a game-changer for how we stay connected to our values. But I share these tips and strategies not as a one-size-fits-all solution—but to **spark curiosity within you.**

**What might work for your family?** How can you create small, meaningful moments that align with your values? My hope is that this inspires you to get creative, to reflect on what matters most, and to build a life that feels more intentional and connected.

Because the beauty of family values isn’t in how perfectly they’re practiced—it’s in how intentionally they’re lived. ✨


Discover 'Family Sparks,' our unique ritual that celebrates embodying family values through shared activities and rewards, fostering deeper connections and cherished memories.

Keeping Our Family Values Alive with “Family Sparks”


In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to get swept up in the immediate demands of parenting, work, and household responsibilities. But amidst all this, it's crucial to step back and think about what truly matters: the values that guide our family. These values are the foundation upon which we build our relationships, make decisions, and raise our children.

Creating family values isn’t something that happens by accident—it’s an intentional process that requires time, reflection, and open conversation. One of the most effective ways we've found to focus on this process is by setting aside dedicated time, like a quiet evening after the kids are in bed, to dive deep into what we want our family to stand for.

### The Importance of Family Values

Family values are the guiding principles that shape the way we live our lives together. They influence everything from how we handle conflicts and make decisions to how we support each other and celebrate successes. Without a clear set of values, it’s easy to drift through life, reacting to whatever comes our way rather than proactively creating the life we want.

For us, establishing our family values was a way to ensure that we’re all on the same page, working towards the same goals. It’s about creating a sense of unity and purpose, so everyone—parents and kids alike—knows what we stand for and how we want to interact with the world and each other. We've also implemented a system called ["Family Sparks"](/family-sparks-celebrating-family-values) that helps us celebrate our values when we see them in action.

### Our Process for Creating Family Values

We recently dedicated an evening to this important exercise, using a date night as the perfect opportunity to reflect on what matters most to us as a family. Here’s how we approached it:

1. **Reflecting on Our Experiences:** We started by looking back at our shared experiences, identifying moments that brought us the most joy and connection. We discussed what these moments had in common and how they could translate into core values for our family.

2. **Discussing Our Aspirations:** Next, we talked about the future—what kind of family we want to be and the environment we want to create for our kids. This discussion helped us identify values that would guide us in building that future.

3. **Reaching a Consensus:** It was important to ensure that both of us felt heard and aligned. We didn’t rush this process; instead, we allowed the conversation to flow naturally, ensuring that our values reflected both of our perspectives.

4. **Documenting Our Values:** Once we agreed on our values, we wrote them down. This step was crucial because it gave us a reference point to revisit and refine as needed.

### The Outcome: A Stronger, More Aligned Family

The values we identified now serve as a compass for our family. They guide our decisions, shape our interactions, and help us stay connected even when life gets chaotic.

1. Simple Playfulness
2. Brave Space, Safe Place
3. Intentional Experience
4. Feel Lucky
5. Optimize for Ease

This exercise wasn’t just a one-time conversation; it was the beginning of an ongoing dialogue that we plan to revisit regularly. As our kids grow and our lives change, our values may evolve, but the process of reflecting on and discussing them will remain a cornerstone of our family life.

### How to Create Your Own Family Values

If you haven’t yet established your family values, consider dedicating an evening to this process. Here’s a simple approach to get started:

1. **Set the Scene:** Choose a quiet, comfortable time—like a date night at home when the kids are asleep—where you can have an uninterrupted conversation.

2. **Reflect Together:** Discuss your shared experiences and aspirations, focusing on what brings your family joy and fulfillment.

3. **Identify Core Values:** Based on your reflections, identify a set of values that will guide your family’s actions and decisions.

4. **Write Them Down:** Document your values so you can revisit and refine them as your family evolves.

Creating family values is an intentional and powerful way to ensure that your family stays aligned, connected, and focused on what truly matters. By taking the time to reflect on and articulate these values, you’re not just shaping the present—you’re building a legacy that will guide your family for years to come. Whether you use a quiet evening or a special date night, the time spent on this exercise will be one of the most valuable investments you can make in your family’s future.

Save and share this post with a fellow mom who might find this valuable.

If you're interesting in learning more about family values, don't hesitate to [connect with me](/contact) today. All of my clients receive a free family values worksheet to help them get started.


Learn how to create and cultivate meaningful family values that will guide your family toward a more connected and purposeful life.

Building Family Values: The Foundation of a Strong Family


As the holiday season approaches, the air fills with the scent of cinnamon, the sound of festive music, and the glimmer of holiday lights. But for many moms, this season also brings an invisible yet heavy burden: the mental load of holiday preparations. This blog post is dedicated to all the mothers navigating this busy time of the year. Discover more about [motherhood](/categories/motherhood) and its challenges during the holiday season.

1. **Understanding the Mental Load:**
The mental load refers to the constant planning, organizing, and managing of family life, which intensifies during the holidays. From planning meals to buying gifts, arranging family gatherings, and decorating the house, moms often find themselves juggling numerous tasks at once. This invisible work, though often unnoticed, can be mentally exhausting and overwhelming.
2. **Acknowledging Your Efforts:**
First and foremost, it's important to acknowledge the hard work you put into making the holidays special for your family. Your efforts, though sometimes unseen, create the magic that your family cherishes. Remember, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and it's crucial to acknowledge the weight of what you carry.
3. **Seeking Support:**
One of the best ways to manage the mental load is by asking for help. Delegate tasks to family members, involve your partner, or even seek external help if possible. Remember, it’s not solely your responsibility to ensure a perfect holiday season.
4. **Setting Realistic Expectations:**
It's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to create a 'perfect' holiday experience. However, setting realistic expectations can significantly reduce stress. Understand that it's okay if everything is not picture-perfect. The joy of the season lies in togetherness, not perfection. Learn more about this balance in our article on [the duality of joy and grief during the holidays](/the-duality-of-joy-and-grief-during-the-holidays).
5. **Carving Out Time for Yourself:**
In the hustle and bustle of the season, take time for self-care. Whether it's a quiet cup of coffee, a walk in the park, or simply sitting down to read a book, these moments of solitude can help rejuvenate your mind and soul.
6. **Embracing the Joy:**
Despite the challenges, try to find moments of joy in the little things - the laughter of your children, the warmth of family, or the beauty of winter. Let these moments remind you of the true essence of the holiday season.

In conclusion, the holiday season for moms can be as demanding as it is delightful. It's a balancing act between making it special for the family and taking care of your own mental health. Remember, it's okay to let go of the quest for perfection and instead, embrace the imperfect yet beautiful moments that the holidays bring.

Remember: ✨You are worthy, deserving of love, and capable of growth. 🌱💗


Delve into the often overlooked mental load mothers bear during the holidays in our latest blog post. From juggling festive preparations to managing family life, we explore the challenges and offer tips for seeking support, setting realistic expectations, and finding joy amidst the hustle. It's a tribute to every mother striving to balance the demands and delights of the season, reminding them of their worth and the importance of self-care.

Showing posts from Family category

Family Ops: Sharing our agenda for a successful Weekly Family Meeting

Keeping Our Family Values Alive with “Family Sparks”

Building Family Values: The Foundation of a Strong Family

Navigating the Mental Load of the Holiday Season